The Oklahoma primary is upon us. The four leading contenders to replace that wishy-washy Charlie Brown, I mean Brad "Lotto" Henry, are Rep. Mary Fallin, who put the congress in congressman and dominates the Republicans well ahead of Randy Brogdon (that nutcase that hangs out with white supremacist/anti-Jew Larry Pratt), and on the Democrat's side we have OK Attorney General Drew Edmondson, who let that homophobe comic book artist Brent Rhinehart walk, and Lt. Governor Jari Askins, who is just going to have to forego her usual run to the Dolly Madison Bakery Thrift Shop Two-fer Tuesday sale and work on some last minute votes.  

There's a couple of others, but they hardly count, now do they?

I don't want to influence you, when you go in to vote for Jari Askins, and I've run out of quips like "Fallin is ahead of Brogdon in the polls? Well, that's the first time Mattress Mary has been on top of the man!"   ...

Anyway, I thought I'd pull out some childhood photos of our candidates, so you'd know what they looked like as children......

RANDY BROGDON



DREW EDMONDSON



MARY FALLIN



JARI ASKINS

Here goes:

Why are so many female soldiers sexually abused by other soldiers? Would 1/3 of them be correct? How about the 71 percent of the female soldiers seeking treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder claiming they were raped by their fellow soldiers?

Why are so many female soldiers sexually harassed? 90 percent of female vets claim such.

Why are there so many soldier suicides each year under your watch? This year those suicides equal the number killed in combat in Afghanistan.

Do you have any record of a homosexual assaulting or killing their fellow soldier for being straight? How about vice versa?

How many thousands of military families receive food stamps, while you have the head of household in a war zone?

Why are soldiers not deprogrammed from their combat mode upon their return home?

Why are a quarter million veterans homeless tonight?

Are gays in the military really the problem or is this more about a bunch of dickwads not knowing how to lead their men and women, instill discipline in them, and teach them to take care of each other?

Why can't you take back that loud-mouthed Marine that's always screaming HOORAH! at Tramps? He gets on my nerves.

Facing a male-to-female transgender opponent in the November general election for Oklahoma House of Representatives District 84 seat, Rep. Sally Kern has stunned the public with an extreme makeover that greatly softens her normal manly appearance.

Usually known for her butch hairdos and lack of make up, Kern has grown her hair out and started a Cover Girl routine.

 

                

 

Could it be the notorious homophobe visited a gay man to help out her image and lead her away from the prairie matron look? Has her never-described-as-masculine and celebate son Jesse taken to giving Ma Kettle cosmetic tips?

Future match ups between her and opponent Brittany Novotny could be confusing to voters, who would be wondering which one used to be the man, so perhaps Sally chose to save grace. However, Kern, a former girl’s coach, will need to work on her gone-to-pot body to compete in any swimsuit competition against Brittany.

Then again the makeover has also corresponded to her closerthanthis relationship with Rep. Mike Reynolds. *wink*

Poor Pastor Steve Kern is likely having to spend more and more time with his dress-clad buddies in the Black Robed Regiment, as Sally paints the town.

I’m back! And we’re going to go to some old skool Smack, so be sure to click the links.

I don’t know how bright the mental rejects at American Resistance Movement (ARM) are, but apparently they thought it was a good idea to give two of their members, who just so happen to have speech problems, control of an internet radio broadcast that serves as the voice of their army. One voice has a lisp. The other voice sometimes stutters.

The Freedom Fighter Radio internet radio program has as its two current hosts Lispy Jim and Stuttering JT. Lispy Jim used to try to have female co-hosts, but they all rejected him and he couldn’t afford Rohypnol, so he figured in a lurch a fella with a stutter might make for some dandy hum jobs in the sound booth and/or gloryfoxhole.

Should we have expected less from a group that believes in lizard people running FEMA death camps and are such big babies they talk their mommies out of getting them flu shots with the excuse the New World Order has put microchips and broccoli in the vaccine, so they can GPS the daily goings on of a bunch of unemployed losers with Vitamin A and folate deficiencies lacking the financial ability to purchase name brand aluminum foil?

Now, now, this bunch of backwoods uneducated Deliverance types have it all figured out. Their sophisticated bait shop education mixed with their quarter-of-the-way there vo-tech certification in heating and air, have them thinking the intelligent people out there aren’t bright enough to comprehend what they have learned from the Area 51 Weekly Gazette . Therefore it falls on them to organize a resistance army to battle Skynet, Darth Obama and the Death Star, and fembots built by Nazi Nancy Pelosi. At least those of us in the world with jobs can breathe a sigh of relief, while the vidja arcade lurkers have our backs and can warn the people on the interweb, when they’re not huffing and puffing through the woods chasing those reptile humanoids and the Terminator. I pray they get help from the Ewoks. Please Lord send them some Ewoks.

Come to think of it, if you lisp and stutter at the same time, you will have mastered Ewokese. I guess ARM does have it figured out. The Ewoks are very skilled at guerrilla warfare against the New Galactic Order and storm troopers on hoverbikes, so a few UN blue hatters in black helicopters should be a snap. Plus, they’re short, hairy, have round bellies, and wave their weapons around just like Lispy Jim, so they can relate.

 

AN EWOK AND LISPY JIM WITH HIS PENIS, WHICH HE CALLS MR. OVERCOMPENSATION.

Besides rigging two big logs to smash black helicopters, so far in ARM’s battle to save the world, they’ve managed to convince their mothers to make them some camouflage tights in size XXXL and of course appoint their most talented speakers, a lisper and a stutterer , as their spokesmen.      

Oh sure put a toy store mask over your head, wave that AK-47 around, and look real menacing screaming, “We are the rethithent! Rethith the twaitors!” or “Dea-dea-death to th-th-the New World Or-or-order!”

That’s almost as cute as when the Ewoks were dancing around and chattering about the bad guys. I think it would be even cuter were ARM to rebrand as the Rescue Rangers and rename Jim and JT Chip ‘n Dale.

Stuttering JT , the femme one in the dandy duo, is also known in the resistance movement as Lispy Jim’s Lap Boy. I figure anyone that stutters and sits on your lap would be fun to have around. Come on now,  there’s nothing like a little vi-vi-vibration to go along with a lap dance, so, until Lispy Jim can find an underage girl with epilepsy and her own strobe light, JT will have to do. Let’s all just pause a moment and think about Lispy Jim slapping him upside his bobbing head and sending him into a long rolling rrrrrrr.     

Lispy Jim often screams out that U.S. Supreme Court Justice Janet Napolitano and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are “Nazi Bitches”. Well, Nazi Bitheths. The girlfriendless Stachowiak appears to be highly resentful of women in general as he constantly refers to the mothers, daughters, and wives of his foes as “cwack whorths”. Some of that resentment may naturally come from his feelings towards his own mother, who the 49-year-old militant needs to support him during his numerous bouts with unemployment. It’s unknown whether “the voice” of any resistance movement in history has had to broadcast from the suburban home of his mommy before, so Lispy Jim may just be a trendsetter.  

Mrs. Stachowiak, a dog groomer , also happens to own the website from which her middle-aged warrior wannabe baby combats the New World Order, American Troops, and the United Nations. It’s likely that the other children in the burbs began letting go of their Army and Cowboys ‘n Indians games as they entered their teenage years, but momma’s boy is as undeveloped in that area as in others.

If you ever wanted to know what happened to Larry Mondello, the pot-bellied whiner boy with an over protective mother , from Leave it to Beaver he now lives in Martinez, Georgia under the name Lispy Jim Stachowiak. Other than the name change he’s still a pot-bellied whiner boy with an over protective mother. He probably has flashbacks about what Eddie Haskell and Lumpy Rutherford did to him in the Cleaver’s garage that one day, forcing his mother to rock him to sleep at night, while he angrily shakes his fist in the air and vows “Venthith is mine! I will give you the bithnith! Pow right in the kither”.  

An authentic quote said by Mrs. Margaret Mondello: “Things would be all right if my daughter could just find a husband. Then we'd always have a man around to give it to Larry when his father's out of town.”

I can just see that short chubby thing running around in the backyard in his SpongeBob Underoos, sucking on a Jolly Rancher, and pointing his cap gun at things while yelling BANGTH BANGTH.

panty waist sum bitch Lispy Jim panty waist sum bitch Lispy Jim and sending him home to his mommy every day sobbing and with snot running down his nose. The little punk would be paying me a dollar every day just to walk down the sidewalk and five bucks to get his hall monitor sash back. I’d be keeping his GI Joe lunchbox though and adding it to my trophy case. Hell, I’d smack Stuttering JT so hard he’d be talking like James Earl Jones for months. Lispy Jim would of course then think he’s Darth Vader and wet himself. See how things work out?

Stuttering JT could keep his Strawberry Shortcake lunch box, cuz Hunter don’t collect that girly shit. I’ll take the bitch’s allowance though…right before shoving the little sniveling twerp into his school locker.

Milk Duds in his ‘roos Jim has been known to stalk women in the past and was previously arrested for getting an underage girl drunk and taking her into his apartment. That led to a misdemeanor conviction of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Fortunately, the victim was able to get away before Lispy Jim could do whatever meth-eyed deviants plan to do to compromised prey. My theory is he had her there passed out and didn’t know what to do, so he called his mommy and she came and after calling him a naughty dirty little boy took the girl home.

Lipthy Thim of the American Rethitant Movement has been known to call Child Protective Services on women who have shunned his advances, but is unable to explain why, if he knew children were in danger or being neglected, he only chose to come to their aid once the mother had rejected him. So I guess, while he thinks he has a chance of getting some, mommy can whoop up on those kids. But once those legs lock down ole Lispy Jim runs to the guvment waving clothes hangers and tattling about Mommy Dearest. But at least the little horny toad isn’t trying to entice the young uns with booze and throwing a gunny sack over their heads anymore.    

Lispy Jim has big problems with the government until it comes on tattling on people and then he’s all like banging on the FBI doors, signing statements, and shit. He’s ready to go to battle with them any day now, but for now seeks their help and protection. My big brother can beat up your big brother!   

He was miraculously married over twenty years ago and miraculously has a son (probably using a borrowed penis), also named James Stachowiak, who is doomed to failure and bouts of hysteria, because the bird poop doesn’t fall far from the tree. I don’t know what happened to the ex-wife/hostage; maybe she was able to pick the lock to the breeding pen and escape or maybe Momma Stachowiak was brought in to clean up another mess. I wouldn’t rule out a shallow grave just yet.

In August 2009 the son (okay let’s just give him the codename of Nipple Clamps) was involved in a scandal that saw him running around in an Augusta, Georgia neighborhood clad only in knickers and screaming for help after his male “friend” allegedly became too aggressive using too much cocaine. Here’s an interesting news article about that . By interesting I mean hilarious.

Here’s an excerpt form that news article link:

Deputies were called to the 3500 block of Pebble Creek Drive to a home that also belonged to the suspect, after neighbors reported a man wearing nothing but pants was knocking on doors yelling for help, Lt. Peebles said.

The man, whom police identified as James Stachowiak, said he was at the home with the suspect and a woman acquaintance Jennafer Thompson, when the suspect began doing cocaine and became aggressive.

Mr. Griffey allegedly pointed a gun at the victim and began striking him because he claimed the victim set him up in a robbery several years ago, Lt. Peebles said.

Ms. Thompson tried to stop the beating and Mr. Griffey then began beating her in the head with the gun. The suspect then ordered Mr. Stachowiak to remove his shirt and shoes then ordered him into a back bedroom.

Two more men arrived at the home and they all began beating the victim. Fearing for his life, Lt. Peebles said Mr. Stachowiak ran from the room and began yelling for help.

That’s some funny shit!  

Nipple Clamps is occasionally involved in filming some of the 5’4” Lispy Jim’s public stunts where he strives for attention --- attention that is often seen in men of short stature…or what the professionals call Ewokitis with Dissociative Runty Little Bastard Disorder.

As the main site spreads onto the national stage, Gossip Boy and the Smack blog are being retooled as supplements to the main offering. Smack will be returning in full force on April 1, 2010.

See ya then!

Town tramp Adrian Janzen can’t stand the thought of gays being married. Why it’s against the Bible she claims! She told me  so during a Facebook conversation and said, “I don't acknowledge faggit...gerble swappers!! I'm sorry you're dad raped you up the ass when you were little...but deal with your hang ups some other way rather than packing fudge!! U understand queer? That's what I thought!! While ur at it...take a pole to see how many people actually care about your faggit ass!! You look like a Harry Potter with down syndrome!!”

 

Wow, she trashed me, Harry, and Corky all at the same time. I bet Corky can write better than she does though.

 

She’s never heard about me has she?

                       

 

When you’ve been to the Garfield County Health Department and been told there’s nothing modern medicine can do for you, it’s probably a good idea not to stomp your slutty ass around the internet being holier than thou – especially when your Biblical declarations about the sanctity of marriage crashes into your white trash lifestyle of multiple marriages, going from one battering husband to another, and using your own child as a pawn. And it’s probably not a good idea to attack another’s morals, when right beside your self-righteous remarks is a photo of you in your panties and jutting your tits out. 

This Adrian Janzen of Waukomis, OK, thought the failure of gay marriage equality in New Jersey was a good thing. She told her Facebook friend, a young gay man, so. He unfriended the slut, but not before I identified her. Things got heated from that point.

                                                            

 

Those Walmartpanties go hand in hand with that bleached hair and the way the mouth looks makes me suspect there’s some missing teeth.

 

As things progressed, Adrian's husband Mark Janzen, a convicted wife beater who doesn’t like to support his child from another marriage, decided to send me this, “I'd live under a rock too if I was gay because I'd be ASHAMED OF MYSELF! You've picked a lifestyle that will be HELL ON YOU but I'm glad that at least you won't ever be able to have children so you could WARP THEIR INNOCENT MINDS WITH YOUR SICKNESS!!!!!”

 

Mark has had two wives. He beat both of them. Adrian has had two husbands, both of which beat her. My gayness wouldn’t warp an innocent mind, but when you have a father convicted in recent months for “domestic abuse in front of a child” that could do some damage.

 

What you have here are two miserable people, who have failed in their own personal relationships and aren’t emotionally stable enough to deal with it. So they target gay marriage.

 

Facebook has cancelled Adrian’s account, but I’m not through with her. Not by a long shot.

 

 

Your Typical Okie Homophobe –White Trash Slut Adrian Janzen 

 

MarkDouglas Janzen

06/23/1970

Previous marriage to Tammy Deanne

Unpaid child support

 

Adrian Lanae Springer Janzen

Previous marriage to Fred Land

 

Mark and Adrian Married 10/25/07

Address: 618 Lisa Lane

Waukomis, OK

 

Mark has recent charges in Garfield Co CM-2009-701

(Domestic abuse in front of child)

Mark is in a “BATTERER'S TREATMENT PROGRAM”

 

Adrian received a contempt citation during her first divorce for “using child as a pawn”

2002 conviction for transporting open container Garfield Co CM-2007-909

2002 protective order issued on her PO-2002-213 

 

Foreclosure on their home 9/03/09

Garfield Co CJ-2009-362

Is this a great state or what?

 

Be they Republican or Democrat, Oklahoma surely must have the biggest bunch of dumbasses to ever try to legislate. While the state sunk deeper and deeper into economic decline, what were they busy doing as they collected their paychecks? Well, let me tell ya.  

 

The 2009 Business of the Oklahoma Senate and Legislature

(Resolved, tried to, endorsed, vetoed, passed, failed)

 

Religious Viewpoints Antidiscrimination Act

Resolutions condemning world class scientist speaking on evolution

Ten Commandments monument 

Plans to fight federal hate crimes law

Forcing ultrasounds on women seeking abortions

Publishing of private info on women seeking abortions

Fit thrown over gay pastor’s prayer

Approval of pro-life license plate

Meet with man searching for the Ark of the Covenant

Religious Freedom and Privacy Protection Act

Helping insurers keep from covering autism costs

Prohibit international super highway from coming thru

Bear huntin’

Remove homeschoolers from compulsory attendance requirement

Tax breaks for professional basketball team

Prohibit tattooing of human eyeball

Declaring English the official language

Ask President to declare a National Day of Prayer

Oppose Federal Freedom of Choice Act

Honor President Franklin D. Roosevelt

Congratulate Sam Bradford for winning the 2008 Heisman Award

Memorialize Congress to pass legislation restoring gold and silver money

Lifting the Curse of the Colonel (You read that right.)

Declare the official motto of the State of Oklahoma to be: In God We Trust!

Commend the Westmoore High School Pom and Cheer Squad

Outlaw female genital mutilation 

Truth in Music Advertising Act

Claim sovereignty under the Tenth Amendment

Withdraw applications from the Federal Constitutional Convention

Exempt fireworks sales from drought and burning restrictions

Oklahoma Criminal Illegal Alien Rapid Repatriation Act

Declare "Ronald Reagan Day"

Oppose proposed federal legislation known as the Clean Water Restoration Act

Urging Congress to oppose HR 45, known as Blair Holt's Firearm Lic and Record of Sale Act

Opposing the implementation of a cap-and-trade system on greenhouse gas emissions

Condemning the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child

 

 

While out here in the real world

 

Teacher layoffs forthcoming

Monthly budget cuts for all state agencies

Public safety workers furloughed

Homeless shelters are full

Unemployment has doubled

Child hung…

 

Oh hell. I give up.

I’m not just speaking for Smack today, but for Gossip Boy as a whole…

 

Here at GB we’d much rather be raising a ruckus by catching Republicans and Constitutionalists at something – we love bringing down the self-righteous a notch or two, but in all fairness we need to say something to a handful of Democrats today.

 

And we’re not going to be very pleasant about it.

 

Let’s start by saying that most Democrats in the state of Oklahoma are determined to do the right thing. There are some, however, that aren’t and will immediately recognize themselves mid-way through the next paragraph. It’s certain that Mr. October will. (Figure that one out sleuths.) I’m talking about you Andrew Jackson Democrats.

 

No one usually bothers pulling up all the records for political action committees and seeing who donated what, who the PAC transferred funds too, if the PAC sent funds to another PAC, and such. Well, our OCD asses did and we’ll tell you right now that what we’ve uncovered is a slap in the face to every Oklahoman desiring an honest government and honorable leaders. 

 

The biggie? Individuals maxing out personal contributions to a candidate then sending more money to a PAC that maxes out the amount given to that same candidate, who then transfers money to another PAC that then gives that candidate more money. The paper trail is there. You’ve been sloppy about your corruption, because no one has bothered to look closely at things before. This type of behavior is why people have so little faith in the party, well politics as a whole. It’s inexcusable that you feel you must function in such a criminal manner just to get a little bit of power. 

 

This bullshit must stop right now or names are going to be named. This is Gossip Boy…and you know we’ll name your goddamn name and be loud and obnoxious doing it. We’ll probably say something about your friggin’ grandmothers and hair just for the hell of it. And, of course, you know we’re going to find the least flattering picture you ever took and use that in the story. Try to stop us and watch how quick we throw five of your seated legislators and one of your gubernatorial candidates to the wolves. And they’re not even involved in the mess we’re speaking of today. They’re into…other things.

 

We’ve butted heads with you guys once this year already and in the end it was you that blinked. How far did your threats of intimidation and blackmail get you? No where. The truth couldn’t be stopped and you ended up crawling off to lick your wounds. If we must, we’ll dance again.

 

Maybe our readers would like to know those of you, who have been feeding information to the GOP about other Democrats you’ve had a falling out with in the past. You see, when we got our guy embedded into the rightwing circus, it ended up giving us access to a lot of the information they have on you guys. Were we on friendlier terms, we probably would’ve shared that with the CC, but they’ve just been a bunch of assholes, so why bother?

 

What you’re doing is wrong, it makes the entire Democratic Party look corrupt, and reflects badly on the state. You risk toppling and soiling the ODP for years to come. The little political games you gentlemen (loosely termed) have been getting by with for years must end now. There are much more legal methods to raise funds for the candidates, many who might not know what you’re doing but will have their reputations blemished and chances at office ruined because of you. The ones who do know what you are up to, don’t deserve to be in office.

 

Now your typical reaction to us in a case such as this is to call us naïve about politics. You’ll tell us about the games that must be played, the deals that have to be swung, the alliances created, the selling out for a bigger score at the end. Shut the fuck up already. We’re not naïve. There’s an awareness of the things  you try to convince everyone, yourself most of all, that you must do for the sake of the party and its goals. We’ve evaluated all your excuses and find it a bunch of crock. You do those corrupt things not for anyone’s benefit, but your own. You do those corrupt things, because that is the type of person you are.

 

This is a moment in time, when, win or lose, the right thing must be done. There are some really decent men and women seeking office as Democrats in the next year; some for the first time and some not. They do not need to have their political careers ruined, due to the back room machinations of others. To get the heat and attention off of them, we’re prepared to throw certain lawmakers, who do need a comeuppance, into the fire.

 

And you’re going to be the kindling.

 

It’s not politics as usual anymore. Someone’s watching now. If you just can’t resist the urge to throw your dirty money around at least use it to feed some hungry kids. It might do you some good to feel the nobility in satisfying real hunger instead of quenching your taste for power.